Our First Perfect Floriduh Rating



The adage that a picture tells a thousand words is only partially-true in the case of Chrystal Hassel whose story earns the first perfect Floriduh rating in this feature’s very short existence. Now, some might wonder whether we’re jumping the gun by placing this hot mess in such rarefied territory. When you hear the story, you’ll wish that we could go to 11.

Chrystal, who didn’t know that she was pregnant until March (1) and smoked crack the night before she gave birth to a premature son in a motel bathtub (2), was arrested for child neglect (3), after calling the police to inform them that her baby was turning blue. The baby is in critical condition in a Gainesville hospital, and the mother is on suicide watch (4).

The 37-year-old (5 because her photos make it clear that she has the mental capacity of a 12 year old), also has an 11-month old son who was put into foster care and a 16-year old daughter who was born a drug addict (6), because Chrystal has been doing drugs since she herself was a teenager.

But wait, there’s more. After discovering that she was pregnant only after she was already six-to-seven months pregnant, she told doctors that she would stop smoking crack. Instead, the day before the birth, she went on a crack binge and after giving birth in the bathtub, she used her teeth to cut the umbilical code (7).

The child’s father, Vincent Terry, is currently in jail as well (8) after a warrant for domestic violence and attempted murder (9) was issued against him in Colorado.

I knew she had a history of doing drugs, but not that she was doing drugs. She just found out she was pregnant (10)

Terry said to the Ocala Star Banner.

Now, one doesn’t need 10 points to earn a perfect Floriduh rating, but Chrystal has definitely set the bar high for future Floridians who choose to go for the proverbial gold.

Ending the story on a positive note, papa Vincent told the Star Banner 

Of course we’re going to stay together. My kids are here. She’s not a bad person. She just got a problem and, together, we’ll fight it.

Fight on, Vincent. Fight on.




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