Star Seminole Steals Shellfish

  Reigning Heisman Trophy winner Jameis Winston is the first celebrity to be featured on this page and he has earned that honor after having been issued a civil citation from sheriff’s deputies after he walked out of a Publix supermarket without having paid for $32 worth of crawfish and crab legs. After Publix employees spotted Winston…

Microbrews Banned By Legislators With Microbrains

  Republicans in the Floriduh Legislature are in the process of ruining the craft brew industry in the state. According to a commentary in The Tampa Tribune (which referred to the governing body as the Flori-duh Legislature” a bill being pushed by the Florida Beer Wholesaler’s Association — the lobbying group for beer distributors –“seek to gain…

UF? NO

  While some residents of Tampa, Floriduh were fortunate enough to see a sun halo in the sky — a phenomenon in which a circle appears to surround the sun after light from the sun is refracted by ice crystals associated with thin, high-level clouds, at least one resident of town thought she was seeing…

Nut Steals the Wrong Dough

  William Edward Hicks of Fort Walton Beach, Floriduh, was arrested Friday (April 25) after stealing a single doughnut from a local Wal-Mart. According to The New York Daily News: The store’s loss prevention officers reported seeing Hicks take the pastry out of a case before wandering back to the sporting goods section. There they said…

Due to a Bad Neighbor, State Farm’s Not There

    An appeals court in Floriduh ruled that State Farm is not liable for damages that occurred to a woman’s apartment after her neighbor’s dead body exploded. Judy Rodrigo lost a nearly-six-year fight with the insurer of her Jupiter condominium, after arguing that they should pay for cleaning up the damage that occurred after…

Learning to Skate, Floriduh Style

Growing up is comprised of a series of learning situations. You put training wheels on the bike until you’re talented enough to take them off and ride your two-wheeler down the street by yourself. Learning to ride a skateboard is also challenging, but as you improve, you want to learn new tricks. And if you’re…

Woman Scams 92-year-old Alzheimers patient

  Nancy Tsai, the 66-year-old ex-wife of a billionaire, faces charges of conning a 92-year-old Alzheimers patient. The Palm Beach woman scammed the elderly woman into spending $2.35 million on a Bentley and a penthouse. Police also allege that Tsai, a former interior designer and founder of the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation, who, despite her…

Man Exposes Himself Twice In a Month

  It’s a little-known fact that, in order to be a legitimate resident of Floriduh, you have to be arrested at least once; however, even the state of Floriduh can only tolerate so much. Accordingly, 27-year-old Sean Maize was arrested after exposing himself for the second time in a month, this time to a woman working at…

No More Pre-Test Dewing the Dew

  Because standardized testing is, for many students, a high-pressure, high-stakes affair, some schools will take extreme steps to ensure that their students are as ready as possible. For some schools, that means spending a few months teaching students only material that will appear on the test, even if that means that students did not…

Former Mayor Convicted of Drug Possession

Barry Layne Moore, the former mayor of Hampton, Floriduh, was found guilty Tuesday (April 22) of drug possession and distribution. He is scheduled to be sentenced in June. Moore, who only served as mayor for two months before officially resigning in March, was arrested for selling oxycodone. This is the type of story that would…