500 Words A Day

Category: Uber Driver Diaries

  • A Shortcut Through the City of Angels

    In the blazing, godforsaken cityscape that is Los Angeles, where every soul seems bent on some manic quest or the next, I, the last sane Uber driver, found strange solace in the damnedest things. Those squirrels, man, darting across the roads, their tails fluffed up like a 60’s hairdo, reflecting some wild spirit I used…

  • Paco and Annabelle

    The godforsaken sun had the audacity to rise again over the city of Los Angeles. As daylight rudely interrupted my slumber through the dusty curtains in my Koreatown walkup, I groaned, accepting the inevitability of another day of madness on the roads of this sprawling jungle. Sometimes, I wonder if I’m the worst driver in…

  • Gonzo the Squirrel Matador

    [ARTWORK: Betty White] Yesterday, the sky over Los Angeles was pierced with a high-pitched ping from my phone, summoning me to the grand old Bullocks Wilshire Building while heading west down Wilshire Boulevard toward Santa Monica. This formidable fortress, once a sanctuary of commerce, is now inhabited by the schemers of The Southwestern Law School.…

  • Multi-Level Mark

    Last night, I found myself ensconced in the leathered bosom of my rolling sanctuary, hard at work arranging the elaborate stage for my latest Uber caper. Like a mad scientist, I was reveling in the cerebral vibrations that come from designing the perfect passenger experience. The sky outside was pregnant with darkness, concealing all manner…

  • Foot-In-Mouth Disease

    I remember that strange and hazy night, like a dream or a bizarre trip to another dimension. The electric pulse of a nearby dive bar reached out to me, a message in the static ether, a request for a ride from a woman with a 4.4 rider rating. Against my better judgment, for I typically…

  • mis felicitaciones – la gente esta muy loca

    I’ve been out there on the front lines of Los Angeles, driving the streets and meeting the freaks, the flotsam and jetsam of this sprawling metropolis, and I’ve been on a kind of twisted social experiment. I’ve been slinging compliments like a madman, seeing what sticks, what stirs the pot, what shakes up the souls…

  • Here Kitty Kitty

    Last night I got a ping from a woman named Kitty. I picked her up at a house near downtown Minneapolis. She had short brown hair and was wearing those thick intellectual glasses that middle-aged woman wear when they want the world to know how condescending they are. I asked her if she was having…

  • Predators and Their Prey. Uber and Lyft Rental Programs…A Drivers Perspective.

    I am a Los Angeles driver with 7 years of experience and more than 18,000 rides overall. Over the last year, I’ve had the opportunity to use the Uber rental program while my primary Ubering vehicle is in the shop being repaired. Fortunately, I did not have to pay for the rentals and their increased…

  • But Wait, There’s More

    A couple of nights ago, I picked up a well dressed man. He spent a lot of time talking about the vacations he’s going to and the expensive restaurants he goes to. I asked what he does, and he said he has a business. I was extra nice to him, because now Uber is allowing…

  • It’s Not a Surge, it’s a Damned Red Herring

    Let me tell you something, folks, I’m convinced these goons at Uber are masters at playing tricks on its drivers, riders, and even the public at large. They create software loops within the app that serve a specific purpose, including evading law enforcement or taking a bigger chunk of gross fares than promised. It’s all…