I found myself in a peculiar situation just moments ago. Let me give you the rundown. I had been welcoming writers with my signature catchphrase, “Welcome to the party, Uber. The only rule is there are no rules.” It had always been a crowd-pleaser, but little did I know that I was about to be the one entertained.

As fate would have it, a rider left a horrific mess in the backseat. The details of which, I will not divulge here.

I’ve heard rumors that Uber may provide compensation of a few hundred dollars in case of vomit-inducing incidents in my vehicle, but I was faced with a whole different level of vile. Being relatively new at this, I’m left wondering if anyone out there knows how I can receive compensation for the wreckage left behind by these savage passengers.

I’m not one to shy away from the grotesque or macabre, but even I have my limits. This was just unacceptable. My car is not a mobile garbage dump for people to do as they please. I realize I may have instigated this situation at least a little, but I demand retribution for the wrongs that have been done to me and my vehicle.

As I sit here, typing away furiously, I can’t help but feel a little unsure of what just happened. Perhaps I should have seen it coming. After all, the world is mad, and it seems to be getting madder by the day.