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Gonzo the Squirrel Matador
[ARTWORK: Betty White] Yesterday, the sky over Los Angeles was pierced with a high-pitched ping from my phone, summoning me to the grand old Bullocks Wilshire Building while heading west down Wilshire Boulevard toward Santa Monica. This formidable fortress, once a sanctuary of commerce, is now inhabited by the schemers of The Southwestern Law School.…
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Multi-Level Mark
Last night, I found myself ensconced in the leathered bosom of my rolling sanctuary, hard at work arranging the elaborate stage for my latest Uber caper. Like a mad scientist, I was reveling in the cerebral vibrations that come from designing the perfect passenger experience. The sky outside was pregnant with darkness, concealing all manner…
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Foot-In-Mouth Disease
I remember that strange and hazy night, like a dream or a bizarre trip to another dimension. The electric pulse of a nearby dive bar reached out to me, a message in the static ether, a request for a ride from a woman with a 4.4 rider rating. Against my better judgment, for I typically…
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mis felicitaciones – la gente esta muy loca
I’ve been out there on the front lines of Los Angeles, driving the streets and meeting the freaks, the flotsam and jetsam of this sprawling metropolis, and I’ve been on a kind of twisted social experiment. I’ve been slinging compliments like a madman, seeing what sticks, what stirs the pot, what shakes up the souls…
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Here Kitty Kitty
Last night I got a ping from a woman named Kitty. I picked her up at a house near downtown Minneapolis. She had short brown hair and was wearing those thick intellectual glasses that middle-aged woman wear when they want the world to know how condescending they are. I asked her if she was having…
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My Adventures In and a Review of a Tesla Model 3
So after driving(renting) a Tesla Model 3 for 15 days, I would like to share some of my reflections. I opted to rent one of these rather than a Toyota Camry or Corolla since I’ve spent many years behind the wheel and under the hood of Toyotas. That, and in the end, it didn’t cost…
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Predators and Their Prey. Uber and Lyft Rental Programs…A Drivers Perspective.
I am a Los Angeles driver with 7 years of experience and more than 18,000 rides overall. Over the last year, I’ve had the opportunity to use the Uber rental program while my primary Ubering vehicle is in the shop being repaired. Fortunately, I did not have to pay for the rentals and their increased…
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But Wait, There’s More
A couple of nights ago, I picked up a well dressed man. He spent a lot of time talking about the vacations he’s going to and the expensive restaurants he goes to. I asked what he does, and he said he has a business. I was extra nice to him, because now Uber is allowing…
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It’s Not a Surge, it’s a Damned Red Herring
Let me tell you something, folks, I’m convinced these goons at Uber are masters at playing tricks on its drivers, riders, and even the public at large. They create software loops within the app that serve a specific purpose, including evading law enforcement or taking a bigger chunk of gross fares than promised. It’s all…
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Seeing Red and The End of the World
Last night I found myself down at the Bicycle Casino at the end of a ride, about 10 miles southwest of downtown L.A. As I closed out the ride, I consulted my trusty map and noticed that Korea Town was blazing red, like a ripe tomato high on Miracle-Gro. The surge had to be soaring…